The Sun Is Shining

     The kids are all awake. We are watching PBS in near silence. It is interrupted only by Gunnar's excited jumps in his exersaucer. Some mornings, I feel like my life looks like a PBS program. The days where everyone wakes up happy, the sun is shining and the day looks like an adventure waiting to unfold. Other days, not so much! Too many mornings do we all wake up cranky. It starts with the girls screaming at each other for taking away a toy. Then Gunnar is having a fit because he woke up and is hungry NOW. All of this leads to an extremely unpleasant mommy. When the day starts off bad, it usually goes awry the entire day. Well, at least until nap time, when mommy gets to recharge for a bit.

     Today, the sun is shining.

April 9th Tidbits

     I haven't blogged in a while. It has been a whirlwind 2 months..somehow it seems longer. Since moving to Ohio,  I have learned so many things about myself. It feels like every day that passes, I uncover some new layer to myself. Layers of wisdom and of ignorance, of likes and dislikes, of my strengths and weaknesses. Isn't that all a part of growing up? Don't we just turn a certain age and KNOW everything? No, but that would be nice. I am kind of overwhelmed by the flood of information I've had over the last 2 months. I used to think I was a strong willed person. I now know, I am not. I am a very weak willed person. I choose my ideals, morals, likes and dislikes. They, however, are completely influenced by outside forces. I allow things to get in my way. I let small hang ups completely detour my life plan because I am not a fighter. I may be mouthy, opinionated, tough acting, rude, crass and inappropriately open and honest, BUT I still am a very weak person. I do see it as a strength to know where I fall short. Maybe seeing myself for who I really am, will allow me to become the person I want to be. Maybe these are random ramblings, but it doesn't hurt to get this craziness on "paper."
     I am in a place in my life where I am figuring out who I want to be. Yes, a mother and wife, but those can't be my only defining qualities. I want to be strong willed. I want to be a happy go lucky, easy going, mild tempered. I want to eat according to my principals. I want to explore nature. I want to dance in the rain. I want to jump in mud puddles with my kids. I want to be someone that doesn't allow a detour to end her trip. I want to follow my dreams. I want to quit being so damn lazy. I want to be a doer, not a watcher. I want to take adventures. I want to embrace life with open arms so that some day I can do the same to death. I don't want to let my fear paralyze me. I want to savor every moment. I want to be an organic chicken farmer. I want to wear flowing hippie skirts, but go out for a date in high heels and an inappropriately low cut shirt just for my husband. I don't want to let any one thing define me. I don't have to exclusively be, talk, act, dress one way. I want to be diverse enough to handle any situation life throws at me. I want to be the best ME, I can be. I don't want to be someone else.
     Now that I have figured out who I want to be, I need to figure out HOW to be that person. I will start over every day. I will fail five times a day. Probably more. But I won't give up. I choose to be a strong person. I choose to get everything out of life I possibly can.

     May the sun shine, all day long, everything go right, and nothing wrong.
     May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true!--Anonymous